bye bye batu pahat~~

Just another three days before I leave batu pahat. 3 nights of sleeps left.
My friends have been expressing their feelings about leaving batu pahat. most of them have mix feelings, i think most of them feel sad about this. Yea… coz this is where we finish our final year and we may not be seeing each other again after this. But, somehow of coz they are happy coz this mean that we r finishing our study…

what about me???

I dont know what to say.
i think i may conclude that my living here has actually made me feel;
~inadequate
~hopeless
~helpless
~lonesome
~over sensitive
and some other feelings which are indescribable.
I cant wait to leave. And I really pray that I wont have to come here again to stay for another 6 months. I wont be able to do that.

Maybe im juz being emotional while Im reading this, considering my estrogen level is at the lowest state of the cycle.

I do have some happy moments here. I tried to actually patched all the negative feelings with that memories. Yet, I have not been able to do so. Maybe my heart juz not belong to Batu Pahat.
Im sorry…

_NaNa_

1 comment July 21, 2009

male chauvinistic p**

ive never think of myself as a feminist. and im not a weak woman either. i think, i just like the way God has created us. Guys are leader, and when they are good, they are good leader.
its not that woman can’t be a leader. just that women do have some barriers from being a perfect leader.
maybe its because;
1. woman are physiologically and pschologically more affected by the hormones
2. its always woman who do two jobs. (i think this contribute to 75% of the reason) yeah.. look at ur mom who is working.she went out to work at the same time your father did. but she woke up earlier. she prepared breakfast for the family. or at least get something so her family has breakfast. then, in the evening, she came back at the same time as your father. but she has to cook dinner. your dad pulak, probably golek2 atas sofa reading the newspaper or smoke his cigarettes. then, if the baby cry, who will go after the baby first? ur mum jugak kan? sometimes, she even cook while holding the baby, or breast feed the baby.
pastu, after makan did ur dad leave his plate on the dining table? or the best i assumed is bringing it to the sink. did he ever actually collect all the dishes and wash it in the kitchen? never right?

okay, okay. guys, plez…. dont get mad
i am not trying to sakitkan hati anybody here or blame the fathers.
i love my dad
maybe its juz the nature of the guy
but we should try change this rite?
last time, women didnt go out to work. but now woman did.
so, why cant guys do woman’s job too?

its juz that, i was so pissed of wif a guy’s words in the radio i listened juz now.
he was like a guy from zaman firaun. so into his manly self. huh.
what a jerk.
he said that woman cant be anything. impossible woman can be great. he even said this sentence
“look who is the top most chef in the world, not ur mum, not my mum. its a MAN!”
“ive been watching football, following all kind of sport for 15 years. how could a girl beat me in my knowledge?”

huh. pathetic little man. im sure he is not a real man.
maybe he has ED? hahahaha

Add a comment June 5, 2009

Ku Tak Hidup Seribu Tahun

Relaku menunggumu seribu tahun lama lagi
Tapi benarkah hidup aku akan selama ini
Biar berputar ke arah selatan ku tak putus harapan
Sedia setia

Relaku mengejarmu seribu batu jauh lagi
Tapi benarkah kaki ku-kan tahan sepanjang jalan ini
Biar membisu burung bersiulan terlelah gelombang lautan
Ku masih setia

Adakah engkau tahu… ini cinta
Adakah engkau pasti… ini untuk selama-lamanya

Relaku menunggumu seribu tahun lama lagi
Tapi benarkah hidup aku akan selama ini… yeah…
Biar berputar ke arah selatan ku tak putus harapan
Sedia setia…

2 comments April 15, 2009

random~~

yosh. esok dah start exAM. hoho. selambe ade mase nak update blog.
alkisah la this morning while driving, dgr flyfm pagi show stopper. n the song for show stopper today was BSB I want it That Way. kan ke lagu ni glamer time kite muda2 dulu? haha. muda2 maksud aku bila umur kita masih awal belasan. sekarang kita dah dua puluhan. huhuh.
anyway, banyak kenangan yang datang.
korang ingat kenangan ape?
hmm…
memory of my dad.
i miss the most time ayah pick me up from school. sometimes i have to wait for ayah coz ayah nyer school lambat habis. sometimes, ayah will pick me up after my extra class. owh, this was in standard 6. then, ayah will ask me what i want to eat for that evening tea. so, of course!! roti yang panas2 lagi beli kat kilang kat tepi sungai rabit kat temerloh! best tau roti tu. kalah gardenia. n on the way back home, usually 15 minutes camtu, i will tell him stories. n ayah always show me what are the learning issues in my stories. haha. i was a terribly a manja girl, yet ayah always point out to me that although i am manja, i can be independent, n he always trust my judgement when of course i wasnt EMO. hoho.
sometimes, during the weekend after subuh prayer we will go to pasar together. (owh ni time i dah duk boarding school) so, he will ask me to choose what lauk i want to eat. haha. i made him believe i was always kebulur kat hostel. padahal, i gained 8kg in 1 year. (that was because i ate a lot of creamy biscuits, ok!) anyway, it was very hard for me to get use to food at the dining hall. haihh… nasib baik duk sbp 1 year and a half je. n nasib baik i got a lot of good friends to finish tins of biscuits =) (after lunch we usually lepak in our dorm which hav 20 girls n basically borak2 n habiskan tin(s) of biscuits. haha)
argh. how i miss my dad. how i miss my younger life. carefree. no conflict. no major exams like this. huhuh =(

Add a comment February 10, 2009

dont want study post

semalam wan dah balik. terima kasih kat mak wan sebab kasi nana nasi lemak kerang. it was yummy. after wan balik, nana terus mengadap. ;p
being alone at home kadang2 memang seronok. buat bising suka hati jer. haha. tapi, bila malam takut pon ada. tapi taktau la takut yang macam mana.
selalu aku mesti try lupakan rasa takut dengan memikirkan benda lain seperti berangan, revise balik apa aku study ke, jadi aku xkan takut. plus baca2 la sikit kan ayat kursi, 3 kul. tapi somehow, last nite aku memang tak dapat tido lena. macam biasa la kalo aku duk sorang2. maybe deep inside memang aku takut kot. so, aku end up pagi ni jadi sangat grumpy kat diri sendiri n tak tahu nak salahkan sape tido aku tak lena. jadi aku try cover tido lagi dan lagi sampai pukul 9 pagi. pastu aku menyesal sebab a few hours gone macam tu je without studying.
now aku masih stress. aku try la tulis post ni, with the hope that after this stress ni akan hilang. dan aku bole study orthopedic (which is another punca aku stress)
haihhhh…
aku sangat depress..

Add a comment February 1, 2009

layan~~ in memory of ‘ada apa dengan cinta

Kulari ke hutan kemudian menyanyiku
kulari ke pantai kemudian teriakku
sepi, sepi dan sendiri
aku benci

Aku ngin bingar
aku mau di pasar
bosan aku dengan penat
dan enyah saja kau pekat
seperti berjelaga
jika ku sendiri

Pecahkan saja gelasnya
biar ramai
biar mengaduh sampai gaduh

Ah…ada malaikat menyulam
jaring laba-laba belang
di tembok keraton putih
kenapa tak goyangkan saja loncengnya
biar terdera

Atau aku harus lari ke hutan
belok ke pantai ………

~by dian sastrowadoyo in the muvi
~current mode …SEPI…

Add a comment December 16, 2008

…tell me u love me…

My morning starts to shine with teardrops in my eyes
And here I am alone starting to realize
That my days would be brighter
If I could learn to hide
The feelings that I have for you
Keep hurting me inside

Then my day begins with simple thoughts of you
Hoping that tomorrow will be me and you
Sharing dreams with each other
And making them come true
Holding one another
Saying “all I need is you”

But will you say that you love me
And show me that you care
Say when I need you
You will always be there
But if you go and leave me
This I swear is true
My love will always be with you

Now my nights would end with just one wish, that�s you
To hold me in the dark and help me make it through
�cause the pain that�s inside me
Would simply melt away
If I had you here with me
And promise me you�d stay

But will you say that you love me
And show me that you care
Say when I need you
You will always be there
But if you go and leave me
This I swear is true
My love will always be with you

But will you say that you love me
And show me that you care
Say when I need you
You will always be there
But if you go and leave me
This I swear is true
My love will always
My love will always be with you

hmm…

Add a comment November 29, 2008

sunshine plez

I got a pocket, got a pocketful for the sunshine.
I got a love, and I know that it’s all mine.
Oh, oowhoaoh.

Do what you want, but you’re never gonna break me.
Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me.
Oh, oowhoaoh.

Take me away! A secret place!
A sweet escape! Take me away!

Take me away! To better days.
Take me away! A hiding place!

I got a pocket, got a pocketful for the sunshine.
I got a love, and I know that it’s all mine.
Oh, oowhoaoh.

Do what you want, but you’re never gonna break me.
Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me.
Oh, oowhoaoh.

I got a pocket, got a pocketful for the sunshine.
I got a love, and I know that it’s all mine.
Oh, oowhoaoh.

Wish that you could, but you ain’t gonna own me.
Do anything you can to control me.
Oh, oowhoaoh.

Take me away! A secret place!
A sweet escape! Take me away!

Take me away! To Better days!
Take me away! A hiding place!

There’s a place that I go,
were nobody knows.
Where the rivers flows,
and all that water goes
And I call it home.

And there’s no more lies.
In the darkness, there’s light.
And nobody cries.
There’s only butterflies!

Take me away! A secret place!
A sweet escape! Take me away!

Take me away! To better days!
Take me away! A hiding place!

Take me away! A secret place!
To better days! Take me away!

The sun is on my side.
Take me for a ride.
I smile up to the sky.
I know I’ll be all right.

~~plez take me away. hukhuk

Add a comment November 25, 2008

spy doctors~

recently i get to know that there is a system in uni, where lecturers from different department will exchange info about the students. especially ‘problematic’ students. i dont know what are the criteria to refer these students from one department to another. but, an example maybe is when a student is noticed not coming to ward or absent from classes or show severely low level of clinical knowledge@competency in a posting, the lecturer will then let the lecturer for that student’s next posting to ‘look after’ this student.

at first i feel totally okay with this.

however, this few days i get paranoid, especially today. everytime lecturer ask me question, i feel so scared. is he trying to asses me? have i been referred? why is he looking at me like that? then, when i answered a question wrong, he told me that the thing he ask me was quite common, how come i didnt know? how many times have i seen the procedure? was i absent always?

i am so down. especially when im in love wif surgery

i am being defensive and thinking too much. i know

i kinda not agree wif this system if it does really exist. in a way, its good coz this shows that lecturers care about the students. yet, instead of directly referring her/him, i think it is better that our lecturer call us, talk to us, give advice and support, rather than watching us keep doing the same mistakes. besides, it is important to treat the root of the problem instead of treating the symptoms, right? thus, it is very important for lecturers to actually talk to us personally if they suspect us as problematic.

i seriously considering referring myself to our psychiatrist, Dr. Zainab…

this emotional load is causing pressure symptoms already

haihh…

Add a comment November 24, 2008

random update~

yeay!!
at last get to update. haihh. today wordpress so slow lah.
didnt update the whole weekend coz sgt buzy. guess wut? bz watching korean fairy tale. now im over the rainbow already.

i miss home actually. miss home so much. cried few times already. want to call mum, but scared i would cry over the phone. so, later when im settled, i’ll call lah

miss ayah… yesterday, i was asking for a friend’s opinion bout something i was confused about. Alhamdulillah, i feel relieve coz she is such a wise person help me relieve the tangles in my mind. then, thinking about it.. if ayah still here, he would have said the same thing. i miss telling him stories. miss his voice. miss the advices. miss his hugs. if ayah still here, i would have be in Raub every weekend. such a bad girl la me. i should go back more frequent to teman my mum.

im okay. this is the cycle. but i will always be strong.

Mr. Izmail is having his exam in less than two weeks. Good Luck, Mr Izmail!! =) I wish u all the best. Must study hard! Dont play the FM byk2 sgt(can u smell it, i am jealous wif everything about bola)
Wish myself wud be patient and understanding as he wont have much time to talk and listen to me. Yosh! berusaha jadi GF mithali! =)

Today I went to endoscopy room. watch a few colonoscopy and upper GI scope and….. a HOT cool guy doctor!! hahahaha!! Mr. Izmail jgn marah!! ;D (my retina can see hot guys, but my cerebral cortex can only interpret u as the hottest.haha)

p/s; study ler.. jgn main blogging je.
i love u

Add a comment November 17, 2008