dah lama saya tak update blog ni. maybe sebab saya buzy. emm. ye la tu. anyway, sekarang pun saya buzy sebab nak kena siapkan portfolio. tapi macam malas sekejap. hehe
just came back from a great holiday!
so, this coming day mesti rajin sangat-sangat. hopefully la. nanti Mr. Izmail marah!
this weekend pergi holiday with Mr. Izmail and his Mama, whom I call Mama too. ye la, coz I only hav Mak. Takde Mama lagi. hehe. adakah alasan macam ni?
We went to a place name Eagle Ranch. This place is set to be mini cowboy town. the accommodations semua ala-ala cowboy. so thus the employees there, cowboy style.
kalau ikutkan, eagle ranch ni takde natural tarikan sangat. its more to man made. but super creative! tak tahu la macam mana orang boleh terpikir nak set a very nice cowboy town as a tourist attraction. maybe kat oversea memang ada tempat ni jugak kot.
so, dekat sana u can do a lot of activities. if u came in group, u can do more la, macam jungle trekking, sea rafting, paintball..
what we did on saturday was canoeing where the canoe merata-rata je pergi n langgar-langgar tiang. haha
sambil canoeing, sambil nyanyi lagu wonderpet yg malay version tu ngan Mr. Izmail. klaka!
“apa yang penting? Kerjasama!!”
tapi Mama cakap, sorang ke sana, sorang ke sini. hahaha
then, go kart! our first time. dah lama Mr. Izmail nak try go kart. at last tercapai jugak impian dia. seronok. there will be second, third n seterusnya. mula2, saya drive slow2 je, coz takut. then laju sket. tapi tak laju sangat coz the steering wheel tu berat! im scared if laju, i cant control the direction. nevertheless, it was super fun!!
horse riding was also very nice. tak puas!! nak naik lagi.
ada few things lagi we all did, but then afternoon, we went to mandi pantai kat melaka. since eagle ranch memang already very near to malacca. we had a good time there. tapi, Mr. Izmail’s foor injured coz terlanggar batu masa swimming. kesian my love… hope, its better now.
it was a great holiday.
but the parting time was hard. sedih nak berpisah dengan Mama n Mr. Izmail.
its okay, i’ll c u n Mama in 2 weeks time. hehe.
thanx a lot to Mama for accepting me as part of the family, for the holiday and for everything…
Im so glad and thankful for given this chance. I wish this would last forever.
taknak thanx Mr. Izmail!

today, isnt a good day for someone whom i love the most.
it must be a hard day.
i dont know. to what extent this day has affected you.
u must be feeling frustrated. disappointed. sad.
i am not sure what else are there coz my imagination is not good.

but, knowing that u r sad and not knowing how to help u is the saddest feeling i ever had.
i wish i could reach to u.
see u in front of me, so i could take care of u.
i’ll feel better if i could actually see u
even just for seconds

i dont know what do u want from me
hmm
u might dont wanna talk to me for a little while
or a little longer
but u know wut i want?

if it is possible, i want to hear u every seconds
i want u to not put me aside
i want u to let me know how could i help u
i want u to be here with me

i’ll do anything to be by your side at this moment

porty is nama manja untuk portfolio.
owh, it wasnt me who gave this name. its ching mun’s creative mind

anyway, why i want to talk about cik porty ni?

as usual, in every posting u must have 2 porty.
tomorrow, my fourth week will start and i havent had my second porty
haihhh
i was on call today. there were a few good candidates for porty. however, those candidates did not belong to my bed.
hati saya gatal je nak buat macam a few others did. clerked the case, n tell the owner of the bed;
‘hey, ive clerked the case. i hope u dont mind i took it since u werent here last night’
well well. its very hard to say no of course.

anyway, i had decided not to
as i am trying to prohibit myself from acting like others
because it is just wrong
n worst of me if i did the same, kan?

so, here i am. writing a blog instead of a porty

okay, just before i shut down this computer to rest my eyes on washington manual of surgery, i want to type in a new post. to actually announce that i finished reading a novel by Noa Roberts. Its “memory in death”
i’ll give 4 stars for this one. dont know why is it not 5. its superb tho.
i just super love it~~~

time to study

~~keep holding on

~i miss u

i should be writing my orthopedic portfolio
however, just wanna share wif u this song
super romantic

Give me more loving than I’ve ever had
Make me feel better when I’m feeling sad
Tell me I’m special even though I know I’m not
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
Barely getting mad
I’m so glad I found you
I love being around you
You make it easy
Its as easy as 1-2-1-2-3-4
There’s only one thing
To Do
Three words
For you
(I love you) I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words
That’s what I’ll do
(I love you) I love you
Give me more loving from the very start
Piece me back together when I fall apart
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
You’re the best that I’ve had
And I’m so glad I found you
I love being around you
You make it easy
It’s easy as 1-2-1-2-3-4
There’s only one thing
To Do
Three words
For you
I LOVE YOU

I love You~~
All the best for the coming final!
Mesti teruskan usaha and banyakkan doa. I am always here for you and always pray for ur success, Mr. Izmail…

Ps; anyway, cant wait for u to finish the exam. dah berbulan-bulan tak lepak same2, kan?

i feel so down so low today after nearly 3 months of staying in BP. i feel like driving far far away from here. i wanted to go home. i cant find any solution for this. all i have in my mind is going home. but how could i solve a problem, @ ‘problems’ by running away?
the work stress, the failure to fit in, pressure from un-understanding undisciplined lecturer, the beauty back stabber…
i just cant hold on but breaking up.

Ya Allah, please… give me the strength to go on. make me strong. Please take away these tears… Amin

hari ini, cuti saya sudah habis walaupun hari ini hari sabtu. saya sudah kembali ke rumah tak berapa cantik di batu pahat kerana esok saya perlu ke dewan bersalin untuk menjalani kelas ‘detention’. saya sangat sedih. tatkala rakan-rakan saya bersama keluarga, saya bersendirian di bilik ini.
sebenarnya saya sudah sedih sejak sebelum cuti. sejak hari yang malang itu. sejak pesakit di wad saya ‘collapse’ sebab dia ada jangkitan paru-paru. specialist saya berasa sangat marah kerana saya dan beberapa orang rakan tidak ‘aware’ akan hal ini. paling teruk tiada doktor langsung di dalam wad di kala pesakit itu mengalami penurunan tekanan darah yang sangat rendah.
saya tidak terkata apa apabila mendapat tahu saya harus menjalani kelas ini. bukan itu sahaja, malahan saya berasa seakan-akan hati saya hancur apabila mendengar pensyarah saya berkata
“SAJIDAH, I AM VERY UPSET WITH YOU”
air mata saya dengan mudahnya menakungi kolam mata saya.
saya rasa saya telah berusaha bersungguh-sungguh, tetapi tiba-tiba di saat akhir posting itu, perkataan-perkataan itu yang saya harus dengar. hati saya sangat kecewa. inilah salah satu peristiwa yang buat saya rasa ingin jatuh dan jatuh dan jatuh lagi.
nasib malang saya tidak berakhir di situ.
saya mendapat tahu dari beberapa orang teman bahawa seorang rakan detention class saya telah menyalahkan saya atas peristiwa malang itu. katanya pesakit itu adalah pesakit saya. kerana katil itu harus dicover oleh saya.
apa yang menyakitkan hati saya ialah dia telah bermuka-muka dengan saya. saya telah tanyakan padanya, siapakah yang sepatutnya menjaga pesakit itu? bukan kerana saya ingin mencari salah siapa-siapa. saya ingin tahu, apakah yang sebenarnya pesakit itu hadapi hingga menyebabkan dia collapse. tetapi, katanya pada saya, kami tak perlu tahu dan tiada siapa harus disalahkan. (argh. bagaimanakah dia harus tahu, sedangkan dia sendiri hanya hadir tatkala dia tahu pakar itu bakal muncul di wad)
wah manisnya mulut dia di saat itu. katanya, dia terima kelas detention itu, walhal pada masa yang sama, dia menghantar khidmat pesanan ringkas kepada beberapa orang mengatakan saya yang menyebabkan semua ini berlaku.
saya tidak mampu berbuat apa-apa selain menulis di blog saya. biarlah teman-teman saya yang memahami sahaja tahu perbuatan jahat seorang rakan yang menikam saya dari belakang.

seperti yang saya katakan sebelum ini, hati saya berkecai-kecai. cuti saya punah kerana peristiwa ini. saya tidak pernah berhenti memikirkan hal ini.
namun begitu, sepatutnya saya tidak menyerah kalah kepada situasi.
iya, teman-temanku. inilah yang bakal kita hadapi di saat kita mula bekrja nanti. orang akan bersaing dengan kita dan sanggup tikam kita dari belakang untuk mencapai matlamat mereka. mereka talam dua muka (walaupun talam yang saya jumpa kali ada dua muka, tapi mekapnya sangat lah tebal.tak perlu dua muka.)

saya sedang berusaha untuk hapuskan api kemarahan ini dan tenangkan jiwa saya. kalau ikutkan hati, ingin saya tambah merah di pipinya dengan satu tamparan power. tapi biarlah itu berlaku di dalam mimpi sahaja.

saya berdoa untuk jadi lebih tabah dan semoga Allah bantu saya untuk terus membaiki diri saya ke arah yang lebih baik. InsyaAllah…

yepp. untuk menjawab soalan peminat2 semua, saya telah di risik @ di cop oleh Mr. Izmail’s Mama.

=)